It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
