i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
