if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
