Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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