Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
