you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
