$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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