At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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