Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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