i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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