just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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