How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
