get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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