it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
