Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
