quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
