so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
