you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
