WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
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