I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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