you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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