i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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