Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
