like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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