Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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