I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
