but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
