You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
