On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
