eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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