guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
