Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
