this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
