He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
