i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
