If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
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