my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
