And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
