So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
