I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
