you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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