Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
