god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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