Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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