Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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