If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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