He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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