Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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