My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
