This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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